The world has been crazy lately. This craziness has manifested itself in many different ways it seems, whether it be the pandemic, the stay-at-home orders, the George Floyd movement happening across the country, or just daily life in general. It’s been difficult to want to come on here and write about anything with so much confusion as to what might happen and when it all might be over, if ever, but today, I am compelled to write. I am compelled to share my thoughts, whether they be wrong or right in this moment. And I am ready for a change.

The last several days have hopefully signaled a turning point in our country. With the death of George Floyd came a sea of outrage, pain, sadness, division, anger and hatred. Fueled by emotions, the message grows louder and louder with each passing day. The protesting has been continuing here in Sacramento since Thursday or Friday night. The first couple of nights were paired with rioting, looting and destruction. And I should say, this isn’t only in Sacramento, this is all over the entire country. Along with the protesting comes of course opposing opinions – protesters of the protest I guess you could say – people demanding that black people sit down and shut up and “protest in the right way”. This is where I began to open my eyes. This is where I started to realize how uneducated I really was on the issues of black oppression and the issues of racism (and what that actually means!) in our country. This isn’t to say that I am perfect, this is to say that I am trying and I am willing to stand for those that are less privileged than I. I want to learn, I want to be open and I want to be a vessel of love and light and this is just one step in that direction.

I am guilty. I am guilty of not understanding white privilege. I am guilty of not fully understanding systemic racism. And I am guilty of not trying to educate myself from the perspective of black America. I am guilty of not understanding what Colin Kaepernick meant when he took a knee. I am guilty of not trying to understand and instead taking offense for a flag. I am guilty of embracing stereotypes. These past few days, I have been trying to educate myself on what all of this actually means. This, of course, does not make me perfect, but I am trying, and I feel like I am learning so much. And I am learning to open my heart and accept that I cannot and will not understand everything, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t stand with you and love you despite that.

I understand that I can never understand, but I stand with you.

Love and light.